Comely, Incoherent Soul

Starting again

2011-12-29T23:13:00.001-06:00

This is it, the end of the year, and the end of other things as well. This is the year I finished my master's degree (although it's not conferred until January), when I finally started to get my life together, when I realized that I am almost thirty and I have to get my shit together.

I'm sad that I can't hang out with my friends from grad school anymore, no movie nights or trips to Shaw's (the grocery store down the street), or decorating the bulletin board, book club, complaining about classes, eating (a usually disgusting) dinner in the dining hall, walking to and from classes and no more discussion of how we are all crazy librarians.

I will really miss that stuff, but I will NOT miss classes, homework, living in a tiny room, surrounded by lots of inconsiderate and incredibly annoying undergrads (and some grads students, too), having to pay to get to the library, riding the T, the funky weather, crossing the street anywhere in Boston, paying through the nose for anything, not having a dollar store or anything like that nearby, anything and everything like that.

Next year is going to be interesting. I am looking for a job, praying that I get one I applied for in Tennessee, just to get my feet on the ground. I am figuring out some things, too.

Christmas is over, as well as the usual family gathering that exhausts me. Tomorrow a friend from my undergrad is visiting. Life is moving on.

Image courtesy chicagofree.info at carbonfund.org/blog

For New Year's Eve, I am watching all three The Lord of the Rings movies, and toasting in the new year with sparkling cider (a habit I acquired in Boston). I will spend the day in my own company and that's perfectly all right with me. Maybe I'll go for a walk at midnight. Usher in the new year on my own terms.

I have been rambling quite a bit, so I suppose I'll end this post. I am thinking of starting a new blog or just revving this one up again. We'll see. In the meantime, for anyone who reads this, have a happy new year, enjoy yourself, and remember that resolutions never work out the way we want, so relax.

Interview

2011-09-08T09:01:00.000-05:00

Today I have an interview at my internship placement. This is a requirement to graduate in the archives program, and even though I'm not technically in archives anymore, I am still trying to be a diligent archivist-in-training.

It is pouring outside and chilly, a fact which is making me rethink my planned skirt for today, as I have to walk fifteen minutes when I get off the T to get to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. It sounds fancy, but hopefully it will be welcoming and not too intimidating. I also hope that I can do what they ask of me and not make an idiot of myself. I hate starting new jobs.

For the past few days I have been in a funk, back into the "I don't know anything, how will I find a job, what will I do, life is difficult" kind of thinking that I hate but seems to be so common. The rain is not helping--I just want to curl up in a comfy chair with a blanket and a book and just read all day. But real life intrudes.

In the next few weeks I start looking for a job in the real world. It's gonna be a roller coaster ride.

Life

2011-09-02T19:11:00.001-05:00

What a long journey it has been this past year or so. July was one of the hardest experiences of my life, stress-wise. I did not sleep as much as I should or would like to have, half the time I called my mother I cried, and I felt like I couldn't appreciate some of the visits we made because HOMEWORK!! MUST FINISH HOMEWORK!! was on repeat in my head. Also, when I got home I only had $30 in my bank account (financial aid is a must for overseas travel: thanks Simmons for coming through on that one!)(note heavy sarcasm in last parentheses).

But. I am back here in Boston, in a tiny little room that takes seventy-seven stairs to reach (though I am thinking about requesting a move to the third floor instead of the fifth if there is a room open), and I am contemplating my life. I am almost 28, and I think I finally have to understand that life is never going to get easier, not for me. I am the type of person who makes everything more complicated, made worse by the fact that many things in my life are shitty anyway.

Okay, I am not trying to throw myself a pity party here. I am laying out the facts: lots of things in my life suck or have sucked or will suck in future. Although there have been some pretty great things, too.

This semester I am going to be very busy, with three classes and a two-days-a-week internship. That includes a 6-9 pm class and a Saturday morning class, and then three extra days of class over the semester for the internship thrown in for kicks.

So I have to start trying to be an adult. I have to figure out what I want, at least in part, and then I have to work to get it.

So I will try to actually keep this blog updated, and let you know how this whole adult thing is going. I have to admit, I am freaking out just a bit.

Posting

2011-06-13T14:20:00.002-05:00

Until I get back from London I will be posting on my British Studies Program (BSP) blog, so go check it out: As To London .

Summertime and the livin's easy

2011-05-23T11:57:00.001-05:00

After a long week of cold, grey weather, Tennessee is back in form and it is accordingly hot and humid. It was rather jarring to go from the just beginning spring in Boston to this, but I think that week did me good and I'm accepting of the heat.

Tomorrow I go to the county archives, in order that I actually get something done this summer and not just laze around. I'll be working there Tuesdays and Thursdays until I leave for London, which doesn't make very many days but will give me more on the resume.

So far I am trying to get back into my walking routine (which never worked the same at school), and I forgot how nice it is to walk the path up to the pool. Of course, there aren't many visitors yet; when they start showing up it can be less than ideal. I intend to get back into better shape, so that a.) I fit into my clothes again, and b.) I can keep up with all the walking in London.

There's not much else to report just now, except that my mother and I went to the Scottish festival in Maryville on Saturday, and almost died from the heat. It was nearly ninety degrees and there was no shade unless inside a well-packed tent. Fortunately I brought Powerade to stave off some of the effects.

Soon I'll start writing up my London blog, maybe even later today or tomorrow. I have to start getting things going for that, reading a couple of books in order to do book reviews and thinking about what to pack. Should be interesting.

Looking up

2011-04-18T08:41:00.000-05:00

Summer is now looking up because today I got into the online class I was waitlisted for. Which means that I don't have to come back to Boston for three weeks at the end of June!! That would have been horrible, having to stay in a dorm here, just so I could get a Zip car and drive down to the Mount Holyoke campus for four days out of the entire three weeks, and then on the 30th drive back from my last class for a six-hour flight out of Logan at around 10pm. I'm sure I would have gotten to London looking all awake and glowing.

I texted my mother with the news this morning and the message began like this: "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!" That pretty much sums it up. I know I can do this class, I said I wouldn't do another online after the one I'm in now but this one is much better structured and I'm pretty sure I'll actually use what I learn in it.

Hurrah!

4 1/2 Weeks

2011-04-06T13:43:00.000-05:00

There are only about four and a half weeks left in the semester at GSLIS, and boy are we all freaking out. I'm feeling a bit swamped with a bunch of stuff that I have no interest whatsoever in doing, friends are freaking because of final projects and assignments (right now consensus is cataloging = death), one friend is sort of having a breakdown trying to figure out scheduling for her dual degree, and another is, well, perfectly calm and not at all worried about anything (but she goes to law school, too, which is a different kettle of fish and probably makes our classes here look like minnows).

It is not pretty, folks. Possibly we will not all make it through. Although, as it was pointed out to me (and as I've been pointing out to everyone else) the professors don't really want us to fail, and I think if we make an effort on assignments and don't do anything flat out stupid, we'll be good.

And in a month we'll all be able to rest from classes, at least until the end of May.

Spring!

2011-03-20T11:23:00.000-05:00

No more question mark--it's officially spring today! Of course, I overslept and had to attend mass at the Emmanuel College chapel, which is not my favorite place to go. But SPRING is here. So whatever.

Spring?

2011-03-15T19:52:00.000-05:00

It seems like it might be the beginning of spring, and with warmer weather comes rain (instead of snow)! So I got some sunny springy goodness for myself. These babies came today!

No more wet feet when it rains, and I bought warmers, too (that's the blue cuff showing), so that my feet don't get cold. They're L. L. Bean, so they cost a bit, but I'm banking on them lasting a good long while.

THINK SPRING!!!

Spring break

2011-03-05T09:22:00.000-06:00

Yesterday at 4:30 pm, spring break officially started here at Simmons. Which is stupid, really, as spring hasn't actually begun yet.

There are a number of my friends staying for break, which will be nice because otherwise it would be like Thanksgiving with just me and my food. Actually, not really, because I haven't gotten my new debit card and I can't do a good grocery shop until I do.

There's homework to be done over break, too. This is going to be like any other week for me, since I have two classes on Monday and one online class. Empty. I'll have to go out and about in town!

Mmmkay

2011-02-26T20:15:00.000-06:00

I just finished reading Nothing But Ghosts by Beth Kephart. On pages 54-55, there is a librarian talking to a 16-year-old girl about seven boxes of jumbled papers and stuff that were dropped off at the library.

The librarian says "You come in when you can and come to circulation for a key, and you can do your investigation on your own. All I ask is that you leave the boxes neater than you find them. Organize as you go, if you would, by dates or by themes, whatever seems best, and when you're done, lock up, give us the key. Let us know if you stumble onto something big."

I'm pretty sure that before I started at Simmons I would have thought Cool, I wish someone would let me do that. Well, I would still think that, but I also was horrified that she unleashed an untrained teenager on an unprocessed collection with instructions to just put it together however she wants (lots of uns in that sentence). Every time there was a description of her taking something out of the box I was just cringe cringe cringe-ing. 'Cause I am such an archivist now.

At least the librarian wasn't a stereotype. There is that.

Phil, you'd better be right

2011-02-05T10:00:00.000-06:00

Two weeks I've been back at school in Boston. When I left, the grass was still visible, the only precipitation up to then had been rain, and I didn't own a pair of snow boots.

This is what it looked like the day after I got back:

Then it snowed some more and we had this:

Now some of it has melted a bit but there is more ice because we had rain a few days ago.

I do remember the snow from growing up here, but wow, has living in the South really thinned my blood. As soon as I step outside my body temperature drops and I am COLD. I almost miss the melting heat I experienced when I first got here.

So thank you, Mom, for giving me winter boots for Christmas. And the groundhog had better be right with the whole no shadow thing, or someone might be enjoying groundhog stew fairly soon.

New semester

2011-01-22T18:15:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was such a long day. I woke up at five, tried to help my mom sweep off the driveway but my crappy broom didn't do any good, loaded up the car, got to the airport three hours ahead of my flight, paid $50 for my too-heavy luggage, cried when I left my mother, went through crazy lines at security, found out my gate was changed only because I signed up for text message notification, and finally got on my first plane. Planes are boring.

My second flight was about half an hour late, and I sat with two (I'd say early thirties) people who talked about where they lived, what they did for a living, where they'd traveled to and where they had to travel to, and the best bars in all these traveled-to places. My luggage was wet, and very heavy. Somehow I made it onto a shuttle bus, then onto two separate T trains without killing myself (although it was close) with said luggage, with a little assistance and quite a lot of stares. Then I had to drag this luggage from the Fenway T-stop to my dorm building, through slush and snow (a pile of which I dragged along with me) and lots more looks that told me I was an idiot.

I made it up to the top floor with one of my bags, but I needed help to get the suitcase up. I was sore, exhausted and starving (having only had a yogurt, maybe three cookies and some peanuts all day).

Then I opened the duffel bag to find things wet and dirty, and opened my suitcase to find that my Christmas present from my sister, a metal jewelry tree, had been snapped in two. I called my mother and cried. Then I went and had a hamburger in the dining hall, my first official one in six weeks. I took the hottest shower I could stand, and then I crawled into bed and read for awhile before I finally gave in and slept. I woke up a few times because I was sweating under my down comforter I brought from home. Must adjust things.

Today I was still really tired and boy, am I sore. I went to the library, picked up a few groceries, and took some pictures, and other than that I've just been reading all day. Oh, and I checked my mail, which took two trips because I forgot what order the numbers of my combination went in. And then I only had a magazine anyway.

I am not looking forward to Monday, with two classes. But at least its only the first for each and I will have a week to recover. Of course, I have to start looking for a job, pray my tax forms come sooner rather than later, fill out the FAFSA (I like that people actually call it a FAFSA here, not a "fasfa"), plan on what to do with the rest of my summer if I apply for the program I want to do, and a bajillion other things.

I'm back to feeling overwhelmed, but as the only thing I can do is deal with it, I will.

2011

2011-01-01T18:51:00.001-06:00

So it's 2011. Guess who sucked big time at posting this past year?

I don't make resolutions for the new year, because it always strikes me a idealistic and silly to pin all my hopes for myself for one entire year on one day. I do have things I'd like to accomplish this year, but they are mostly connected to school. I think I started to finally pull my life together when I started grad school and I'm going to keep building on that.

Owing to the time difference I missed the ball drop in New York. Instead, I was watching Back to the Future III and didn't notice until ten after. I struggled to stay up to midnight but I did actually make it, and when the clock hit twelve I toasted with some (pretty yucky) cranberry-raspberry juice and then crashed into bed.

And now the new year has started, there are things I have to do, and once this last, long break is over, I'll be back to school and getting on with it.

Happy new year!

Christmas dance

2010-12-06T15:49:00.003-06:00

I did another JibJab video with me and a couple of my friends!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

27

2010-11-01T08:24:00.000-05:00

I am now officially twenty-seven years old. That gives me three years in which to finish my 30 Before 30 list. Let's look back at it now:

1. Get a master’s degree
2. Drive the US coast-to-coast
3. Look great naked (ahem)
4. Write (and hopefully publish) a book
5. Buy a house
6. Go on a spiritual/meditation retreat
7. Read the top 100 novels
8. Visit fifteen foreign countries (ten down)
9. Vacation completely alone for two weeks (as in no family or friends)
10. Learn how to cook
11. Take a breathtaking photograph
12. Learn passable Latin and French
13. Attend a mass at the Vatican
14. Be in a play (preferably a musical, and not in the ensemble)
15. Learn archery
16. Learn piano and relearn how to play my flute
17. Find a place where the stars fill the sky
18. Make an entrance to remember (one where I don't fall down or otherwise embarrass myself)
19. Live at least a week with no television, phone or computer
20. Scale a major height and look over the edge (facing my fear of heights)
21. Finish reading the Bible all the way through
22. Attend the Olympics (or a major league soccer game, men or women)
23. See all the movies on the AFI Top 100 lists (both 1998 and 2007)
24. Sleep under the stars
25. Begin an investment portfolio
26. Learn ballroom dancing
27. Live as green as I am able
28. Find my ancestors in Scotland
29. Find a job I truly enjoy
30. Fall in love

And now the number I have accomplished in the last year (drumroll please):

0!

That's right, I haven't actually finished anything on the list. BUT I have begun #1 (I actually have to do homework all day and am procrastinating), and #s 7 and 23 are in the works, as well as #22. Number 10 has been an issue since I started gluten-free in April (and also because I am living in a dorm). I really intend to do most of them but, in grand tradition, I am putting them off. I'll get around to them.

Now I really do have to do homework. I would rather go back to bed, because yesterday's trip to Salem really took a lot out of me. I'll post some pictures of that later...

Halloween Fun

2010-10-19T11:34:00.001-05:00

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Grown Up

2010-10-02T08:33:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure if I officially count as a grownup. My 27th birthday is drawing near, and I have never really felt like I am. Of course now I am living in a dorm room, which makes me feel like I'm an undergrad again, and I haven't got a job, just mounds of homework a major procrastination problem (which is nothing new).

Let me just say, though, that I am going to be totally grown up and admit that I hate school. I have always hated it, I will always hate it, and homework is a big part of it. But right now, I feel like my two years here can't be over fast enough.

Wait, you're thinking, wasn't she squealing with excitement just a month or two ago? Yes, I was. And I am excited that I'm getting my master's degree, I really am. BUT that doesn't mean that I am enjoying it. First of all, I feel like the program is a bit of a disappointment. Granted, I have only been here a month, but I feel like there were things I was told would be great that haven't turned out that way at all. The classes are not particularly stimulating (except cataloging, which is a bit overstimulating). Where are the student organizations? They seem to be nebulous and casual. What about the networking? I hardly meet any students except a few from my classes and the ones I live with, and on my floor there are only a few other GSLIS students.

I am feeling down lately, if you couldn't tell. I'm hoping the time will go fast here, that my internship will be useful and that this whole thing will be worth it. And in the end, I really hope that I start feeling like a grown up.

Right now I am going to go to brunch and then over to Best Buy to see about buying a new camera, as mine is total CRAP. Maybe a little retail therapy will help with the blues?

September 11, 2001

2010-09-11T07:39:00.001-05:00

It's been nine years to the day since it all happened. I always think about how people say they remember exactly what they were doing when they found out JFK had been shot. And it's true for September 11, 2001. Have I ever told you? I don't think I have. This is what I remember.

High school, senior year. First period English class (we only did four classes a day). I think we were doing a reader's theater of Beowulf that day. The front office came over the intercom saying Ashley Waters had a message from her dad. When she came back she said he had told her that a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York. I immediately pictured a tiny private plane flying around, and wondered how you could hit such a big building. But Mrs. Sherrill, the teacher, said "you mean like kamikaze?" and right then I think most of us felt weird.

We turned on the TV. There it was. Mess, people running, mass confusion. Both building had been hit. They were talking about what had happened, who had done it. The first building had already fallen, I think. Second period, newspaper, right across the hall. They were all already watching. One girl said they'd watched the first building fall. And then, as we sat there, the second fell, to me it looked like it sort of disintegrated inward, and the cloud of dust was sort of like a mushroom cloud from a bomb.

And there was this sick pit of fear in my stomach, because my brother was a marine. My mother hadn't been all too happy when he enlisted, and she was always saying that when we go to war, the marines are the first to go. That's what I was thinking. My brother was going to war and he might be killed.

I asked Mrs. Purcell if I could use the newspaper phone. I called my mother and asked her if she knew anything. If we were going to go to war. And I started to cry. She said she didn't know, that Tiffany had called too, but she didn't know anything. I can't even imagine what must have been going through her head, thinking about how everything had just changed and her only son might be in jeopardy of losing his life in a war.

I don't remember most of the day after that. I remember Tyler Barnwell holding out his hand as I passed him and giving me a look of sympathy (I think I cried half the day), and I took it as I passed and tried to smile.

I remember going to my grandparent's house and helping my grandmother and mother put up a wallpaper border in the guest room, and then sitting to eat dinner, watching the news about the attacks. My mother said it was surreal, like sitting down during WWII to listen to the news. I don't know if this was on September 11 itself or a day or two later. Probably at the end of the week.

And since then, so much has happened. We have listened to the survivors' stories, seen the faces of people who died, and gone to war. My brother kept in contact with us, and his unit was just waiting to be sent out. It took a few weeks for him to go anywhere, but I don't remember where. It wasn't Iraq or Afghanistan, not for awhile. He did eventually go to Iraq when I was in college, but he wasn't there all that long and he didn't really talk about it. Or talk much at all when he got back, not for quite a while. I wonder if he saw anything like what they have on the news. If he's anything like my grandfather, he won't ever talk about it.

In newspaper class, we had a subscription to Newsweek, and I knew without a doubt that keeping all those magazines would be important to me. I have the one from the week of September 11 and I think the one before that, which of course have nothing about it in them. But the ones after. I have those. I hate that there are pictures of people jumping out of the buildings. I hate that it ever happened.

But it did happen. And now it's nine years later, and I still cry writing about it. I hope I never do forget what I saw and what I felt that day.

Bostonian

2010-09-02T10:33:00.000-05:00

I realize that I arrived here days ago and that you have been on tenterhooks waiting for me to post. But you have to understand that not only have I been a bit overwhelmed with everything, but it has been in the mid-90s for days and there is no air conditioning in this building. Neither do I have a fan. It is really making me cranky.

So my room smells like sweat and I don't feel like typing a long post about how bored and disgustingly sweaty I am. You'll just have to wait until Hurricane Earl comes along and cools us all down.

The motion of emotion

2010-08-24T08:14:00.000-05:00

Yikes. What a crappy time this past week has been. Since last Tuesday, I have been up and down and all over the place emtion-wise. I knew it was coming, but hoo-boy, has it been bad. One really big crying jag, a couple of small ones, one sleeping pill, three borrowed anxiety pills, a phone call with my sister, lots of thinking "I DON'T WANT TO GO."

The thing is, I love to travel, to plan trips and visit places, but I'm not so good with the actual going. Oh, sure, if it's a short trip I will probably feel a few twinges, but THIS IS NOT A SHORT TRIP. This will be longer than my longest ever trip--four months in London--and, let's face it, it's not actually a trip. Because I'm not supposed to come back. And that's the worst part.

But I think that right now, I'm doing okay. My car is apparently sold, I've got all my forms in to the school, I have three people who are driving with me to Beantown, I will have a week to get acclimated, and I know that my family will always be there for me. I mean, I don't think my brother cares one way or the other, but I'm pretty sure he'd be there in a pinch.

Anyway, must finish cleaning my room today. Also finish painting today or tomorrow. Off I go.

Nudist I am not

2010-08-19T12:52:00.000-05:00

Can I just say, holy CRAP does it take a lot of space to pack clothes. And this from a person who doesn't actually have much in the way of a wardrobe. I suppose the bulky sweaters are what's complicating the matter, but one cannot move to New England without said sweaters. Especially when everything else not going to New England is going to be seventeen hours away. Or a three hundred dollar flight. Yeah.

However, with the use of Space Bags (which don't actually go as small as they show on TV, but whatever), I think it might be okay. I'm not sure yet.

This grad school thing is much more work so far than I was planning on.

The heck with rose-colored

2010-08-17T15:53:00.000-05:00

Something I forgot about until just now: On Sunday, our priest was talking about reading the bible, and he talked about reading it the right way. It went something like "Put on those Catholic-colored glasses. You'll see the bible in a whole new way."

And so on the seventh day, Father John created a new color...

Four years of college

2010-08-17T13:37:00.000-05:00

My English degree obviously didn't help me on this quiz (I scored 1out of 10).

Run, Peter, Run

2010-08-17T13:24:00.001-05:00

I have very little faith in this project, even though she did win an oscar for her ~~butchering~~ screenplay of Sense and Sensibility.

Hot Hot Hot

2010-08-15T07:03:00.000-05:00

Well gee, I seem to intensely dislike my census job. What a surprise. And whoever decided that we interview people who don't want to be interviewed and drive two hours round trip to do it, IN 90-SOMETHING DEGREE WEATHER should be shaved, painted with tar and sent door to door with a letter explaining how sorry he/she is for torturing census workers and interviewees.

After a long day

2010-08-11T20:10:00.001-05:00

...I sometimes find things online that make me feel less crappy.

Better Book Titles, where choosing a book to read just got a whole lot easier.

The other day I found a painting I've been looking for since I saw it in the Tate Britain in 2004.

Whoever is responsible for this typo is hopefully not an alum.

And check out the laughing cat. What is so funny?

Countdown

2010-08-04T10:31:00.000-05:00

It's August. All I have left to do before I go to school is get a tetanus shot, work my scary census job, and pack. I am nervous and a bit scared of moving to Boston, but I am dealing with that I think it will absolutely awesome.

This past weekend was crazy. Friday Laura and Ashley came to see me and we wandered around town trying to find places that were air conditioned. That night my mother came back from her conference in Tampa, and then Saturday my sister showed up, followed by my brother & co. I finally got to see my youngest niece after two years. Last time I held her she was a baby, and now she walks and talks and went swimming with me. She's adorable.

This week I have off (although I trained on Monday), and I have to finish painting in my room. I did the final two walls on Thursday, now I need to finish trim and doors. Also the little green strip next to the bedroom door that I forgot about.

Getting to school is going to be interesting--once I load all my junk into Meg's mother's car, it will be me, Meg, and one or two other people driving through the night (17 hours, ugh) to get to Boston and check into my room. Which, by the way, is in an undergrad building, meaning it's bigger than the usual grad rooms, and also doesn't seem to exist on the floor plans I found online. Possibly they remodeled. Or they are confused.

Hopefully we will all e able to see some stuff before they turn around and drive another seventeen hours back. I'm also hoping that my stuff will fit into the car...

Must go now. Things to do.

Relief

2010-07-21T13:28:00.000-05:00

I have been MIA. Again.

I worked my last day at Lowe's last Friday. I knew that it would be my last day because all the other seasonals were dropping like flies, and being told the day of that they were leaving. But I have a census job lined up for August (don't laugh), and so I'll make a nice chunk of change before I go to school.

School. The thing that has been causing me no end of grief. I couldn't find my immunization records, I didn't know if I had a dorm or not, and I was, quite frankly, panicking.

Immunizations are hard to track down if you don't keep your own records, folks. I tried the local Health Department, where apparently I do not even exist; I tried my college, where they really had no idea and the nurse never answered her phone; and finally I bit the bullet and called the health center where I got them done, in Massachusetts. Which is ridiculous, calling MA to have them send records to TN just so I can send them back to MA. And hopefully I had the hepatitus B immunizations, because otherwise I will have to get all three of those AND a tetanus shot. Ugh.

On the dorm front, today I got an e-mail saying I was assigned a room! They also said that my phone number doesn't work, which is stupid because obviously it does, as I've been talking on it and texting today. I've been put in a building usually reserved for undergrads, but they've given the top floor over, and bonus, the rooms are bigger than the usual grad housing!

So. Now all that's left (aside from shots) is to pack and gear myself up for city life and finding a job. Also getting excited about the Boston Public Library and being able to find good gluten-free good. Awesome.

On the seventh day...

2010-06-27T20:25:00.002-05:00

So much for a day of rest. This morning I woke up around 3:30, dozed until six-thirty, got up and ate a bowl of cereal at 6:40 (which made me feel sick because I hardly ever eat before seven anymore), packed up my work clothes to take to church, dressed for church, ushered at church, left ten minutes early, changed clothes in the bathroom, raced home again to get my sneakers and belt, went pretty far above the speed limit on the way to work, got to work and was sent to the outside garden section, stayed out there for three hours and then worked the last hour inside.

*Breath*

Went home, changed, ate a donut (which pretended to be lunch), drove back into town with mother, shopped awhile (bought a shirt), came home, loaded mother's car with branches chopped down yesterday, brought them to the dump at the sportsman's club, made second branch run, returned home, stood on dining room table for nearly an hour helping mother install new light fixture, had trouble turning power back on, retinas nearly damaged by brightness of bulbs in new light fixture.

Am now about to eat a gluten-free pizza (forgot to put pizza in oven when distracted by photos of self on Facebook).

Beating my head against the wall

2010-06-04T21:49:00.001-05:00

Even though it hasn't been long since my last angry post (and my use of the f-word), I am about to start a bit of a rant.

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, YOU ARE NOT FUCKING ENTITLED.

Despite being the supposed top of the food chain, you are. not. entitled. What do I mean? I'll tell you exactly what I mean.

When you go to a movie theater, do not ruin the movie for other people by talking out loud, keeping up a running commentary, texting and/or talking on your phone, kicking or otherwise hitting the seat in front of you, or bringing your young children to R-rated films.

When you drive (even if you are from another state), do not speed, turn the wrong way into a one-way street, dramatically flip off the people you nearly killed, then get out of your car and tell them that no, you didn't know it was one way but it doesn't matter, and that they are overreacting.

When you shop, do not leave your cart in the middle of the checkout lane, and dramatically announce to the cashier that you will go somewhere else to shop just because you decided to pick up an item without a bar code (I do not blame you for the missing bar code sticker, but the being an asshole thing is all you). It is also not your right to get pissy when the line is moving too slowly for your taste, or to bring your dog into a store unless it is a working dog (and oh HELL no, you did not just put your dog on that register counter).

When you go to the library, do not move books around randomly, check books out and never return them, monopolize the online card catalog, or otherwise abuse the privileges of this free service.

When you go out in public, do not attach your phone to your hand or ear. It is perfectly possible to live without an electronic device about your person, and NOBODY wants to listen to you say really loudly that you have nothing to say and neither does the person on the other end of the line. Taking pointless pictures of yourself or others is not necessary either.

Somewhere along the way, most people seem to have lost things like common courtesy and common sense, as well as basic intelligence. Why does the vast majority of the public believe that it is entitled to do whatever, whenever? I can honestly say that I am completely at a loss.

And did I say fuck?

In which I try to stop talking about work but fail

2010-05-26T07:20:00.000-05:00

Wow. That's all I can say right now. Working again seems to have filled my days, but not in a good way. I stand for 5 to 8 hours, speak the same meaningless phrases over and over, smile and look cheerful even though it is not my most natural state (some days this is the hardest part), get confused by the complicated register system, and wish that I were doing almost anything else.

I learned on Monday that all part-timers have to be cut down to under thirty hours a week. Meaning me. Meaning that money will remain a scarce commodity. I am discouraged.

I want to stop thinking about the awful parts of my life.

My older niece and my nephew are going to be here this weekend. My sister is going down to get them, and I'll get to see them a bit on Friday, and a very little bit on Saturday and Sunday (I work 10-7 both weekend days). It has been two years since I have seen them in the flesh.

Other good(ish) news? Hmmm. I watched the series finale of Lost on Sunday night. I liked it, although it didn't tie up much in the way of loose ends. I cried, mostly because there will never ever be a new episode. I didn't sleep well that night, either (and then had to be at work at 6:45 to open).

Last night I watched the finale of The Biggest Loser, or most of it, as it is boring and I switched back and forth to What a Girl Wants. This girl wants to have a rich British father and have gone to Oxford. Also to be able to eat gluten-filled chocolate cereal with real milk (I am on soy milk at the moment). Of course I decided it would be a good idea to go get some ice cream and something to drink. This entailed a long search that ended with Sobe and vanilla ice cream, which further led to a stomach episode. I'm not sure if it was one or the other or both that caused it. I tried to space them, but maybe it didn't work.

I suppose I should go eat some breakfast now, in order to build myself up for work. I go in at noon and stay until close, i.e. 9 pm. Luck obviously has nothing to do with it.

Lowe's woes

2010-05-13T15:03:00.000-05:00

Working at Lowe's. Well, it's not exactly what I pictured. I don't really like it. That's not to say I don't like the store, or the people (who are all really nice). It's just that it's the most complicated cashier job I have ever heard of (or imagined), I am seasonal, I have crappy hours this week, and yesterday I was sent home because it was so slow. So that when I finally get paid at the end of next week, I will not have very much money, and that really sucks.

I might try to find somewhere else to work, because with this celiac thing, I need to find an apartment in Boston for school, so that I can cook for myself and not waste thousands on a school meal plan.

It never really gets easy, does it?

Self-diagnosis

2010-05-04T16:51:00.001-05:00

My mother and I have come up with a theory. The man who cleans at church (the one I fill in for sometimes) has just found out that all of his adult children have Celiac Disease. It involves an inability to process gluten, and causes all sorts of not-so-nice things to happen to the body.

We both think that I have it. The list of symptoms is ridiculous, because I have most of them. Gastrointestinal problems, mainly, and it would definitely explain why I am always tired and I burp all the time (did I ever tell you I can win a burping contest hands-down, without drinking anything carbonated?). It certainly drove home the incident this morning, when all I had in my stomach was a bowl of cereal, and had serious pain, and other issues you really don't want to hear about.

I am very depressed by this idea, that I can't have a lot of the things that I love, especially because I have a limited diet as it is. It's something of a relief, though, that I may have an answer and that I may actually not have to live like I have been. I'm going to try going off gluten and see what happens, and maybe soon I will be able to get the testing to prove whether or not we are right.

In less depressing news, I visited the new library twice yesterday. I was nearly delirious and took out five books the first time, read The Hunger Games, went back with my mother and got the sequel Catching Fire, read that, and have now moved on to the other four. Very good books that I have been dying to read for many months now, and that were totally worth the wait. Am now reading Fire by Kristin Cashore, and The Girl with the Glass Feet.

Oh, and tomorrow I start at Lowe's.

Speedy

2010-05-02T21:44:00.001-05:00

The rain here has been insane (though we are neither on the plain or in Spain). My sister visited this weekend. The flowers are blooming (we have some pure white irises)! My oldest niece and my nephew are coming home this month!! Tomorrow I find out if I actually have a job!!! THE NEW LIBRARY OPENS TOMORROW!!!!

Post Title Here

2010-04-27T15:27:00.000-05:00

I have been sitting here all day, waiting for a call from Lowe's. No call. And no, I haven't actually been sitting here, in this one exact spot all day.

More movies today, courtesy of redbox. I thought I'd try Up, which everyone else has already seen. I never got around to it until now. Also The Imanginarium of Dr. Parnassus, which sounds/looks completely bizarre--and was Heath Ledger's last movie role. Then Lost is on at 8! My favorite show, and I am really going to miss it when it ends.

While you and I are waiting for my life to pick up the pace, go watch this video. Someone posted it on Facebook this morning and I laughed my butt off, except somewhere in the middle, where it dragged a bit. Trust me and watch it.

That reminds me (you'll know why is you watch the video)! The new library is town is opening on Monday and I will totally be stocking up with as many books as I can. HELL YES.

*No, that post title is not a mistake. I couldn't think of anything else.

Questioning the existence of...me

2010-04-26T21:06:00.002-05:00

On Friday, I got a call from the HR lady at Lowe's, telling me to come in on Monday at 9 am for orientation. This I did. Only, as we all know, nothing in my life works out the way I think it will--there is always a problem.

I sat for about half an hour, and then, since the HR lady is on vacation all week, went through many explanations of how I was told to come in for orientation and I knew nothing else. No name tag, no log in, no locker, no nothing. They tried to figure out what to do with me, and why exactly I was told to come in when the only person doing orientation was out. Apparently I do not exist at Lowe's.

Eventually they sent me home.

I spent the rest of the day waiting for a call to explain what is going on, which never came. Census training starts tomorrow, and I am wishing (though not very hard) that I were going to be there just to earn some money.

At about 4:30 I went over to get a couple of movies from the redbox. Made of Honor, which I saw way back when at the drive-in, and Adventureland, which had its good points (and lots of unnecessary f-word usage). I ate some cinnamon-sugar toast and painted my nails red while watching.

I hope tomorrow I get word on whether or not I exist, in the Lowe's universe, anyway.

Are you sure you want to?

2010-04-24T21:08:00.001-05:00

Yeah, I was doing great, got my job at Lowe's, found out there's a new redbox nearby so that we don't have to go into town, watched a good movie (The Young Victoria).

And then I screwed up my computer, and I had to fully. restore. everything.

I recommend backing up everything on your computer. Because when they ask you do you really want to delete that file? and you say yes and have to reconfigure you ENTIRE computer? Do you really wanna do all that?

Yeah, I didn't think so

Post fever

2010-04-22T09:21:00.003-05:00

What, she's posting AGAIN!? you ask.   Why yes, yes I am. I used to post almost every day, and lately I've been remembering how much fun it was, even if I posted on nothing, and even if no one reads my blog.  So I'm trying to get back in the groove.

I've just been making my daily blog reading rounds, which is one of the highlights of my day. Unless no one has posted anything, of course, and then I get a bit grumpy. But today has been a good day, so far, and I even joined in and commented about shoes over at Two Nerdy History Girls.

I'm still waiting for any news from Lowe's. Mom and I went in last night to look for lighting for the dining room (again), but I didn't try to go talk to anyone because I didn't think anyone would be there so late. Not in HR, anyway.

I did, however, get a book at the church library yesterday, called The Devil in the White City, about the Chicago World's Fair in 1893 and a guy who hung around the fair and murdered people. Cheerful, I know.

I also just finished reading Kristin Cashore's  Graceling, which I enjoyed.

STOP PRESSES

Just got a call from Lowe's to come in for a drug test. Good sign (?).   I'll keep you posted.

Sew What

2010-04-21T19:38:00.001-05:00

While working at the rummage sale last week, I bought three things: an old paperback copy of The Hiding Place, a nice Old Navy sweater, and The Complete Family Sewing Book. The link is for an etsy store selling a copy--mine has a bright orange sticker that says "Special Offer: $2.99". I only paid a dollar.

The fashion illustrations are quite funny, since it was published in 1980, but sewing itself doesn't really change much, does it? I still wish I had been able to get the origami kit, but after it was marked down from $10 to $7, it was snapped up.

Am I turning into a serial crafter?

I've got a job to do

2010-04-20T23:00:00.001-05:00

I've been looking for a job to get me through to school in the fall (having zero money). I got a call months ago from the Census Bureau with an offer, only to have it withdrawn after I told them I moved. The woman on the phone--who kept breathing really heavily into the receiver--told me that I would definitely get a call later when they started hiring in my new zip code. But I never did.

On Friday I had two interviews at Lowe's, and another Monday morning. Because apparently, it takes that many to get the coveted red (or blue or tan) vest. Plus a drug test and a background check. And I thought everything went fairly well, aside from my being really tired at the second interview, seeing as it came at the end of a long day, and week, for that matter. They told me they just had to wait for the background check.

But I just got an e-mail saying that they had filled the CSA job I applied for. I interviewed for a seasonal cashier job. What does this mean?! I guess I'll have to wait and see...

However, if I don't get the job, I'm covered, at least for a little while. Friday night I got a call from--drum roll, medames et messieurs--the Census Bureau. I'm pretty sure I swore to myself I'd never work for them again...

BAH HAHA! I just looked back at my census posts from last year. A few choice quotes:

"There is a distinct possibility that I may have two jobs very soon. Yesterday I got a call from the Census Bureau. The other job prospect is a cashier at a grocery store." (sounds eerily familiar...)

"Let me just say that the Census Bureau made the job sound much less horrible than it is."

"Well gosh, you wait a year for a job and then two (possibly) fall into your lap at once. So not typical. "

"I have cried quite a lot in the past several weeks. I have also discovered that I may not be very smart. It sucks."

If I am stuck with the census again this time around, I know it will probably still really suck, but at least I know a bit more what I am getting myself into. And I have Boston to look forward to.

For now, folks, I'm going to bed.

Backside, knees, calves and feet (calves and feet)

2010-04-12T21:51:00.001-05:00

Today I went over to the church to help with the first day of sorting for the rummage sale this weekend.

Ever worked in retail? Know how it feels after a long day of standing, walking, bending, stooping, reaching, folding, etc? The pain that starts in the feet, mostly the heels, then travels up to the calves, to the knees (oh, hell, my knees!), up the backs of the thighs to the butt. Yes, that agony that is the body's way of saying IF I SIT DOWN I WILL NOT GET UP NO MATTER WHAT YOUR STUPID BRAIN IS TELLING ME. This will henceforth be known as retail pain, or RP for short.

I worked in retail once. For less than two months. Tomorrow I might not be able to walk.

Still Catholic

2010-04-07T18:26:00.002-05:00

To anyone who reads this blog and is interested (be ye few or many):

I am a Roman Catholic. In recent weeks, there has been an absolute uproar about the Church and sexual abuse. I understand that this situation is reprehensible. I know that there have been cover-ups, lies, and major violations of trust going on seemingly right and left, and I am ashamed that these things have happened and have been handled so badly.

I know many wrong things have happened, and that quite probably more will come to light. However, let me say one thing: for once, could you all just leave us the fuck alone? WE KNOW THINGS HAVE GONE WRONG. We may not all agree with everything that the Church does, but I at least have to believe that what is wrong can be found out and changed. This is religion, and it's never cut and dried.

It is extremely trying, heartbreaking, and frankly, really shitty that the focus of reporting lately seems to consist of What the Catholic Church Has Done Wrong. The other day I saw a headline about a Hindu holy man resigning over a sex scandal--did that get splashed across every newspaper/website/news feed around the world and raise an uproar?

The worst part is people who know nothing about my religion feel the need to chime in with their (biased, prejudiced, misinformed, bigoted) two cents. Just read some of the comments accompanying this article: Bishop asks for prayers for burn victims. That, friends, is one of the very big reasons I have wanted to wipe the dust of Tennessee and the South from my shoes for so many years, and never look back. I am tired of being told that I am going to burn in hell, that my faith is stupid, that I need to be saved, that I am not, in fact, a Christian.

I am not asking anyone to ignore what has happened. I don't want people to try to believe in the Church when they feel they can't. I am not trying to convert people, or tell them that their religion is wrong, or say that everything the Church does is absolutely, incontestably right. I'm only asking for a break from the bashing. Focus on your own religion/work/hobbies/interests for awhile. And while you do that, I will continue to have faith in my religion, that things can be made right.

And as for this guy, well, if I end up in hell, I'll save you a seat, front row center.

Yes, a screwdriver

2010-03-24T13:41:00.000-05:00

I am the absolute best at hurting myself in weird ways, as I think I might have mentioned once or twice. I have more proof that, while I am not exactly what you'd call a klutz, I do have a knack for hurting myself. Yesterday I was trying to fix something, and while I was pressing hard on the flathead screwdriver in my hand, suddenly it went ZWHOOP, and hey, presto! I am sporting a not-so-small hole in my finger. Well, it's relatively small, but for my smallish finger, it's sizeable.

But I do have to say, my first-aid mode kicked in admirably fast. I rushed to the bathroom, ran cold water over the bleeding spot, ran to the kitchen for scissors (to cut the flap of skin away--yes, that's really gross), then plopped a big dollop of antibiotic ointment on it and pasted on the bandage. I have learned to have bandages and ointment on hand at all times. It really helps.

So now I have a nasty-looking hole in my index finger, and I keep accidentally touching it, which HURTS, and I had to take a sort of one-handed shower this morning, which is not easy. *sigh*

In other news, I've deferred grad school until the fall, so I can get a summer job and actually be able to pay, for stuff. Also, I was totally stressed about financial aid (oh, yes, I was late with that application, too, natch), and I have stuff to deal with before I go. But I'm still really excited!!! Hopefully I will still have all my fingers and toes by the time I get there.

What a Day This Has Been...

2010-03-16T15:40:00.004-05:00

And it's not even over yet!

Today I went over to the church to take out the mounds of trash left behind by the St. Patrick's dinner (I am subbing again because the regular guy had knee surgery and the guy who replaced him had some other kind of surgery). Then I cleaned the bathrooms and came home. Waiting in the mailbox, along with the free Tuesday newspapers and the 2010 Census form (ugh), was an envelope. A white, business-sized envelope like any other.

But then, not like any other. Because this one had the return address of Simmons College.

I walked into the house, I took off my coat, and I sat down on the couch. I almost couldn't breathe. I took one of my keys and slit open the top, pulled out the two pages inside and...I didn't get in. Oh well.

No, that's a lie. What really happened is I read "It is my pleasure to inform you", which is as far as I got before I started SCREAMING. Then I called/texted everyone and posted on Facebook about how cool I am. I have been screaming, squealing and/or giggling all day. Also, I eventually read the rest of the letter and the form with it.

I might have to defer my enrollment until the fall, because money and I aren't on very good terms at the moment, but OHMYGOODLORDIGOTIN!!!!!!! And I get to go back to Massachusetts, where I grew up, and see some of my family (the one's we're talking to, anyway), and maybe some old friends. I will be living in Boston. I will be getting my masters degree. After four semesters, I will finally be able to feel like an adult and be qualified for what I want to do in life.

Most importantly, I feel like I am not such a failure after all. And not quite as important, but still exciting, Lost is on tonight. Ohohoh, AND I found this game online that I used to love to play on our original NES system: Bubble Bobble

Why, it's almost like being in love (that's how the song goes, anyway).

Read, Reading, To Read

2010-03-10T22:33:00.003-06:00

Number 7 on my 30 Before 30 list is "Read the Top 100 Novels". That's a really objective item, and I could just make up a list of books I've already read and call it my own top 100 list. But that would be stupid. So I scoured the internet, looking for just the right list, the one that makes sense to me to read, and not just 100 books that some stupid survey came up with or a biased professor put on a reading list for students.

The list I picked is Newsweek's Top 100 Books: The Meta-list. It came out in July 2009, and I like how they compiled it. From the website—"Declaring the best book ever written is tricky business. Who's to say what the best is? We went one step further: we crunched the numbers from 10 top books lists (Modern Library, the New York Public Library, St. John's College reading list, Oprah's, and more) to come up with The Top 100 Books of All Time. It's a list of lists — a meta-list. Let the debate begin."

I refuse to type out the titles of 100 books right now, so I'll just let you go to the link if you like, and put the ones I've read here.

2. 1984    George Orwell
9. Pride and Prejudice    Jane Austen
14. Things Fall Apart    Chinua Achebe
15. The Catcher in the Rye    J.D. Salinger
18. The Great Gatsby    F. Scott Fitzgerald
22. Midnight's Children    Salman Rushdie
35. The Lord of the Rings (YES, it is ONE BOOK, not three) J.R.R. Tolkien
36. Winnie-the-Pooh     A.A. Milne
37. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe    C.S. Lewis
40. To Kill a Mockingbird    Harper Lee
41. The Holy Bible (it says the King James Version, but mine is the New American—i.e. Catholic—version, and I've never read it all the way through, but in bits in pieces throughout my life)
49. Hamlet     William Shakespeare
54. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn      Mark Twain
56. Frankenstein    Mary Shelley
62. Lord of the Flies    William Golding
63. In Cold Blood     Truman Capote (blech, I read this one in fourth or fifth grade—that's what happens when the middle school kids are allowed in the high school library)
67. As I Lay Dying     William Faulkner
74. Charlotte's Web     E.B. White
76. Night Elie Wiesel
83. The Maltese Falcon    Dashiell Hammett
84. His Dark Materials (this one's a trilogy)    Philip Pullman

And I read half of The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, but it was boring and I'll have to go back to it later. I've seen movie versions of a lot of these books, which doesn't count for anything, but will probably make reading them easier.

My count so far is…21 (23 if HDM counts as three!). Twenty-one out of one hundred ain't great, folks. But I'm working on it, so I'll keep you posted.

Just one more reason to hate Wal-Mart

2010-03-05T20:58:00.000-06:00

Have I ever mentioned that I hate Wal-Mart? I hate how they are all superstores now, I hate the way they try to make customers buy more than what they need, I hate the way the company is trying to monopolize everything they can, I hate how they frequently change what they carry, I hate their commercials that tell the public they cannot live without going to Wal-Mart for everything and how much better their lives will be after they do, I hate how no cashier is ever willing to give me just one bag and I sometimes have to physically moe my things together, I even hate how their crappy reusable bags say "Paper or plastic? NEITHER." when all they have to say is "NEITHER" and most of us would get it because we're not morons... Really, I could go on and on.

Tonight we went to Crap-Mart to get a few things (well, my mother went to get stuff and I went to get potato wedges because I was starving and it's Friday so NO MEAT--and then they ended up not having wedges anyway and I got kettle chips instead). When I ran my card through the reader, I got an error, which I saw coming because EVERY TIME I GO TO CRAP-MART THE READER REFUSES MY CARD AT LEAST TWICE. I know this and I told her but I guess she didn't hear me. So after the second rejection, the cashier held out her hand and I gave her the card, assuming she would run it through her reader at the register, which is the usual drill.

But instead, she came all the way around the bag carousel and ran the card through herself. Like I was doing it wrong or something, which, by the way, is almost impossible, and also I AM NOT AN IDIOT.

I'm standing there stunned that she did this, and she looks down at the card, and says "Courtney--is that right?" As if I'm going to say, "No, sorry, my name is Zloty, it just says Courtney on my card." My mother came up then and stood staring at this women, too, and we both watched her run the card over and over. THEN she explained to me and demonstrated (for good measure), what buttons to push, AND OH DEAR GOD I WANTED TO SEIZE MY CARD AND SAW AT HER THROAT WITH IT. She asked to see my i.d. somewhere in the middle of all the sliding. Maybe I actually look like a Zloty?

Now, after the card finally read right, she gave it back to me and walked back around, and I said "I can't believe you just gave me a tutorial on how to run my card, like I don't I know how to use the machine!" She held out the receipt, gave me a surprised look, and said that she didn't mean to imply that I didn't know how. I snatched the receipt and walked away while she was flapping her lips.

Mom said I should have just grabbed the card back from her, but at the time I was literally just standing there thinking Is she serious?

And that is reason number umpteen why I hate Wal-Mart.

May I HaveYour Attention Please

2010-02-24T08:38:00.002-06:00

I would just like to announce that my brother & co (wife, 3 children) are coming back to the United States sometime this summer. Can I get three cheers?

Watching it all go by

2010-02-20T21:34:00.001-06:00

So it's Lent and I decided to give up desserts. Again. Despite knowing that it's the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to give up and it might very well kill me. Add that to meatless Fridays and you get one crazy me. I did go to Stations of the Cross this Friday, for the first time in years. Hurt my knees. But nice to get back to. Unfortunately I've been doing a lot of stuff over at the church, so I feel like I've been there constantly.

I also had a job offer from the Census Bureau. Which was promptly retracted when I said I had moved into a different zip code. Was told that I would probably get another call when they started hiring in my new zip code. *Sigh*

I feel like I have been watching the Olympics forever. The summer games always seem to go faster for me, but I think it's because there are so many events. Right now I like to catch the curling matches--looks like a really easy game, but it's not (though it is pretty simple, which isn't the same at all). I've stopped watching most of the skiing, except for some of the big name events. How awesome is the USA doing, though?

Am about to watch Apolo Ohno skate again tonight and then call it quits. Does anyone else find it funny that the USA has a speed skater with not only the same name (well almost, anyway) as a Greek god, but the god of archery? Maybe it's just me. And by the way, Apolo, I'm available.

Competitive painting

2010-02-17T13:57:00.000-06:00

I painted a wall of my room on Monday, and when I picked up the can of paint, I noticed the brand: Olympic.

So I guess I'm celebrating the winter games in my own way. I don't know that I'll medal, though.

Old Man Winter (I don't mind him)

2010-02-16T11:19:00.001-06:00

Today I grudgingly got out my longjohns and got dressed to walk over to the church to clean and take out the trash. According to the thermorstat it's a steady twenty-seven degrees outside. According to my eyes, it's very, very snowy. And I didn't want to go out into it.

The other day I wondered what it was that had made me dislike winter so much. I used to love it, watching the flakes fall slowly, making trails through untouched snow, cross country skiing, sledding, snow days and snow angels and snowballs and snow forts. Now I'm like a crabby old Florida retiree who moans and groans at the first sign of a flake. I think it's because in Tennessee, a dusting of snow is cause for serious alarm. Everything shuts down, people forget how to drive, everyone complains and there's a run on stores for supplies most people actually need.

But today, as I walked down the road and saw the snow-covered trees, the quietness and the pureness of everything--that was the moment when I remembered. I loved winter again. My childhood in Massachusetts came back to me. The smell filled my nose, the quiet filled my ears, the cold bit gently at my cheeks, and I stuck out my tongue to catch the drifting snowflakes. And it was right. Beautiful and right. Winter.

All it took was a few moments, and now I can truthfully say that once again, I love all the seasons. I will sit back and enjoy it, letting everyone else worry and whine and grumble. I'll take it as the gift it is.

Total Suckage

2010-02-11T12:41:00.001-06:00

I haven't forgotten pictures of the house, I swear. I took pictures, only I didn't have the chip in my camera, and now I don't know where my camera cord is. They will show up here sometime.

I have not been having the best week. I am currently enlisted to clean at the church, and this includes setting up the church hall for functions. Except that twice this week--TWICE--stupid church people have taken it upon themselves to screw around with the setting up. Yesterday I waited for an HOUR for the meeting in the hall to end so I could go in and then when I did finally go in, they were rearranging for the next event. Which sounds helpful but IT REALLY ISN'T.

Today I broke the USB thingy for my mouse, which hello, my mother bought for me so that I wouldn't break it. It's almost flush with the side of the computer and supposedly harder to do damage to. But not so much.

And then I cried and now I have to go vacuum the church. The end.

Briefly

2010-02-02T11:26:00.000-06:00

I don't have a lot of time right now, but here is a summary of the weekend:

Woke up Friday, wanted to sit and watch Gilmore Girls before going to new house with load of stuff. Call from mother around 9 (GG is as 10) saying plans were moved up a day--surprise! Trucks and K of C guys coming. Be ready!!!
Long, long day of moving commences. As we pack up the big truck, snow starts a-falling. My very full car almost does not make it to the house; I sit for about an hour on a hill on the way, waiting in a line of traffic in the ever-increasing snow for a reason I never figured out.
Do not make it up driveway, wonder what is the point of a garage if you can't actually get to it.
Woke up Saturday, lots of snow. Cars both covered in very thick layer of ice. Attacked mine with hammer (I was careful). Guy from next door came over with scrapers and snow shovels; eventually get mother's car into garage. Mine sits disconsolately in driveway, although we did get the doors open.
Rest of Saturday, we sit around.
Sunday, after walking to church (where there were maybe fifty people in attendance), come home and change, then drive out to old house for last load of stuff. Are joined by friends; load car, SUV, truck and van with stuff.
Take pictures of crappy house (caving floors, craking walls and ceilings, mold, termite damage)
Give keys back to landlord, who refuses to give money back for heating gas, claiming he can't give it until he rents out the house again (feel at one point I might hit him)
Drive to new house, unload everything, go to Food City for a yummy meal of chicken tenders, mashed potatoes and peas. Come home and get halfway up driveway. Eat too much food and watch t.v.
Send in graduate school application. Pray everything else got there on time.

My left shoulder has been hurting for a few weeks now, and I didn't know what was wrong. Now, exacerbated by our one last day of moving, it hurts to move it most of the time, and I think that I might have torn something. I'm trying to take it easy. Also have bruises over much of my body.

Must go unload things and unpack other things. Be back later.

THE END IS NEAR!

2010-01-28T13:04:00.001-06:00

We are about to enter the home stretch of the final inning of the move. Saturday, come hell or high water (or snowstorm), we will be loading up two very large borrowed trucks with all our furniture and then we will be safe at home. Lovely baseball metaphor for you.

Let me just say that this has been such a stressful month--catsitting the sickies, my mum being sick, moving, applying to grad school--that it's all sort of piled up on me and I feel that I might either keel over and let them load me up on the truck with the furniture or just curl up into a fetal position and cry for awhile. Living on pop-tarts, granola bars and frozen french fries while having only the big furniture left in our house is not helping, either, nor has trying to get my application materials in to Simmons when we have no internet at home.

But we are almost there, and once I recover from Saturday I'll take some pictures and let you know how it all goes.

Pop-tart, anyone?

On Packing

2010-01-19T12:25:00.000-06:00

You would think after moving so much in my life (nine houses, plus back and forth to college), I would be a bit brighter about packing my books. SinceI have so many, I didn't want to be hauling boxes forever--and I ended up with four or five anyway--so I packed a lot in one biggish box. It was really heavy, and I dragged it downstairs and then somehow carried it out to my car.

I am in a lot of pain today, aches in my neckshouldersbackarmschest.

Next weekend we are going to paint. I picked a paint color for my room for the very first time. It's a pale yellow, tame but easy to coordinate things with. We only have two weeks left and then yay--we never have to go back to that damn house again! Did I tell you about the freezing drain? The bathroom sink was stopped up for two days because it FROZE. I have never ever heard of that happening before.

I miss my books and movies already.

When you're looking for signs...

2010-01-05T20:10:00.001-06:00

...they might just fall on your head.

Tonight we are absolutely positive we're moving. To a house where our church is visible through the trees, where we will have proper heat, more than one outlet per room, light switches, a dishwasher, garbage pickup...everything. Of course, I will be enjoying this house for maybe four months (if I get into Simmons),but it takes a load off my mind that my mother won't be stuck in this cold yucky house.

The funny thing is that this house is almost the exact plan of my grandparents' old house. There are a few layout differences and an extra bedroom, but I had weird flashbacks walking through there tonight. We lived with my grandparents for a few months when we first moved to Tennessee. I think it'll be strange for awhile.

But HOLY SHITE WE'RE MOVING. Thank God.

So it's 2010

2010-01-04T08:44:00.000-06:00

Here we are in the new year. And how did we start it--way below freezing temperatures, anyone? We've been shivering our bums off over here, trying to keep the house around sixty degrees.

I am sad about no employment, still. The holidays did not produce a job, but I will be casing the entire town in the next few weeks. I am also about to start up my etsy store, though it's nothing spectacular. I'm just hoping to make a little bit of money off of something fun.

My application for Simmons College in Boston has begun, I need to finish my personal statement and see about my references. I also need to pray that at least some financial aid will be forthcoming because the program comes with a hefty price tag. Although it's actually the living on campus that will really bury me. If I could find an apartment to share in Boston it would be a somewhat different story.

Today my mother is going to look at a house to rent that is just across from the church where she works (and we attend). The price is higher than here, but since it would include things like proper heat, a dishwasher, and garbage pickup. Not to mention insulation, floors that aren't starting to cave in, and very probably no termite swarms in the summer. Mom would save on gas, not having to drive twenty to thirty minutes twice a day. Although, and I've just thought of this, if we move there and people at church find out, they would probably be dropping by all the time.

Well, I am off to have my breakfast (pizza). I promise to update more, for anyone who still reads this. Once I get my Etsy shop up and running I will set up a link so you can marvel at my talent (or lack thereof). And I will definitely post about any grad school developments.

Happy 2010.

P-A-L-N, PLAN!

2009-11-30T17:26:00.001-06:00

So I'm working on a new plan. I am looking for any kind of job at the moment, something either quick and easy or related to libraries. I have found a possible new school to apply to (in Massachusetts, ironically). I have put on about ten pounds because of Thanksgiving Day, specifically because of the dessert array which included a caramel cake that I alone have been working on for five days. Yikes.

I am trying not to be too depressed. There is a reason for everything. Something else is going to happen and I will be looking and ready for it. Unless it involves running. Stupid cake.

Until something happens that I can post for your reading pleasure, here is a link. If you know the band Rooney, this is the lead singer. If you don't know Rooney, I don't like you, go away. The Victim.

That's what I want

2009-11-23T19:10:00.000-06:00

I am not dead, the cold didn't want to let me go, but I'm alive and finally well again. I have my voice back, too. The murder mystery we had on the 14th went well, aside from the fact that I was supposed to be a singer and I didn't have much in the way of a voice.

Oh yeah, and I didn't get into Illinois. Because in my life, the things that I really want generally elude me. I just found out, and I cried for about five minutes. Now I am just dejected.

And I didn't do NaNo because of that whole coughing until I gagged thing I had going for about a week (the cold lasted for two weeks).

The end (of this blog post, anyway).

Dead or alive

2009-11-08T07:26:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure which of those I am. Remember my first 26-year-old act, the cold?

I think it's killing me.

Maybe not actually, but it has sure felt like over the past few days. I've been coughing like a maniac and yesterday I lost my voice. I could only whisper. Meg alled me around three yday, and I sounded sort of like a man, which made her pause three times and tell me she was having trouble thinking it was actually me on the line. Later I swallowed some Listerine in a failed attempt to kill the things in my throat that shouldn't be there (I know, you're not supposed to swallow it but it's antiseptic and a teeny amount really can help).

Of course, Friday night and yesterday we were in Nashville with my sister, who also has a cold. We went to eat at this place called the Wildhorse Saloon, and I was not feeling good. I had this weird fluttery feeling and the shakes all over my body, and then I got super hot and thought I might pass out. Sis told the hostess I was a diabetic so that we could get a table (after waiting for ever and ever and ever). The next morning Mom and I went to the Opryland Hotel and Opry Mills mall, which was sort of fun but very cough-filled.

Last night I woke up twice, unable to breathe through my nose and with a splitting headache. My throat has a sore spot that makes coughing feel like I'm ripping out the lining, so I have to turn my head to the side and sort of down to make it catch below that spot, and then I have to deal with the crud I cough up. Which I am sure everybody wanted to know. I still don't have much of a voice. Luckily I called the other reader for church yesterday afternoon, so I do't have to read today. Which I wouldn't be able to do anyway.

I need to go find another cough drop.

First things first

2009-11-05T09:00:00.000-06:00

So what was the first thing I did after turning 26? Get sick.

Yep, the cake I made had a disgusting amount of food coloring and I'm pretty sure that is what made me sick. My stomach is quite delicate, you know. Then, after I could get up from what felt like my deathbed, I got a cold. The second in a relatively short period of time, even though I hardly ever get sick (and when I do, it's genearlly something like a kidney stone and things of that ilk). I am still coughing and a bit congested. Yuck.

I am still waiting to hear about grad school acceptance. Supposed to hear somethimg this month. Of course, I've convinced myself that I haven't gotten in anyway. I am generally a pessimist, did you know?

My last little bit of news is that my mother got an e-mail from our cousin Noreen (my grandmother's first cousin, who, by some age difference in siblings, is around my mother's age), and she is perfectly willing to put us up for the London Olympics. This puts me one step closer to two things on my 30 list--obviously attending the Olympics, but also visiting five more foreign countries. I can make stops in Ireland and Northern Ireland, I think. Probably even do some cheapo day tripping on RyanAir or EasyJet and go to three others. Awesomeness. Now I just have to get the fair so I can get over there.

Anyway, that's what's up. Catch ya later.

The Cake

2009-10-31T19:03:00.002-05:00

Well here it is:

I tried to make white icing black, which is apparently impossible unless you use the whole bottle of food coloring. So dark gray it is. It made my bat cookies look purplish. Still tasty though.

FYI: the movie Paranormal Activity is not scary. In fact, it was reeeeeeaaally boring. The only good part was when two teenage girls got kicked out, and then another three, for being underage.

Off to watch movies.

Bead, Book and Blow Torch

2009-10-30T15:56:00.002-05:00

So. Lampworking. In the instructional video (a whole 2 min. 30 sec.), it appears so easy. Heat the glass, wrap it around the release agent-coated mandel, let it cool, et voila.

Ha. Ha ha. Good thing I got a book from the library that explains the process better, otherwise I would have just stuck the glass rod in the flame and then probably have called 911 after the shattered bits of glass lodged in my skin and eyes.

Okay, maybe that's a bit overdramatic. But I did find out about preheating the glass from the book--the instructions that came with the kit just said to bring it slowly to the flame, but if I had done that it would have probably shattered. As it was I had a piece pop off my second rod and scare the crap out of me.

But I got two decent beads out of it. My first actually looks pretty darn good, and my last does as well. The three in between, not so much. I haven't mastered getting the glass to stick to the rod right. Whatev. I will master this craft, I tell you. Now I just have to get a kiln to anneal them (to keep them from shattering) so that I can put them in jewelry and sell them. That will take a long time (big chunk of money), so I have lots of time to practice.

So I've (sort of) learned a new skill on the eve of my 26th birthday. Not too shabby. Too bad it wasn't on the 30 list...

*The post title is a Halloween-ish homage

Me + Art + Open flame = Anybody's guess

2009-10-28T18:07:00.000-05:00

Today my mother took the day off to get a tooth fixed at the dentist, and then we drove half an hour so she could buy me this :

A beginner's lampwork beadmaking kit. Which involves open flame and molten glass. I have plans for making jewelry to sell on etsy.com. I used to make jewelry when I was a kid, and recently I've gotten back into it. Of course, first I have to master the art of not burning myself or anything else around me. Tomorrow I go to find some gas for the torch thing, safety glasses and gloves. I'll let you know how it goes.

Move along, nothing to see here

2009-10-24T16:26:00.001-05:00

Nothing much going on around here, folks. I'm going to do NaNoWriMo this year. I've been walking in the state park. I touched a live maggot (don't ask). I got an e-mail confirming all my grad school application stuff was in (YAY!!!).

My birthday is in one week. Nothing big planned, just lunch with my mother, and then later I am making my favoritist food ever--grilled cheese and tomato soup. Trust me on this one, if you dunk the gc in the soup it's just like heaven. Then a cake I plan to make myself--the Country Living Over the Moon Cake--and watch creepy movies like Corpse Bride and The Witches. I had an offer of going to a "party", which would be me with maybe twenty people I don't know, sitting around talking like any other night. Pass.

It's gonna be good. I really don't mind being alone this year. Maybe next year it will be different.

30 Before 30

2009-10-19T12:19:00.001-05:00

I'm contemplating the fact that I have been doing nothing with my life, and I felt that since I'm turning 26 in twelve days, I would jump on the bandwagon and make a list of things to do before I turn thirty. I only have four years, you know. When I think about how well my twenties started out (I spent four months of my twentieth year in Europe, dammit), I feel that I should make the rest of this decade live up to its former glory.

So here goes my "30 Before 30" list.

1. Get a master’s degree

2. Drive the US coast-to-coast

3. Look great naked (ahem)

4. Write (and hopefully publish) a book

5. Buy a house

6. Go on a spiritual/meditation retreat

7. Read the top 100 novels

8. Visit fifteen foreign countries (ten down)

9. Vacation completely alone for two weeks (as in no family or friends)

10. Learn how to cook

11. Take a breathtaking photograph

12. Learn passable Latin and French

13. Attend a mass at the Vatican

14. Be in a play (preferably a musical, and not in the ensemble)

15. Learn archery

16. Learn piano and relearn how to play my flute

17. Find a place where the stars fill the sky

18. Make an entrance to remember (one where I don't fall down or otherwise embarass myself)

19. Live at least a week with no television, phone or computer

20. Scale a major height and look over the edge (facing my fear of heights)

21. Finish reading the Bible all the way through

22. Attend the Olympics (or a major league soccer game, men or women)

23. See all the movies on the AFI Top 100 lists (both 1998 and 2007)

24. Sleep under the stars

25. Begin an investment portfolio

26. Learn ballroom dancing

27. Live as green as I am able

28. Find my ancestors in Scotland

29. Find a job I truly enjoy

30. Fall in love

I suppose it's a bit tame for some people. Nothing too risque, but things that actually mean something to me. I have a separate life list with lots of things to do, but for this I'm sticking to things that are actually doable, so no hiking to Machu Picchu or circumnavigating the globe or getting British citizenship (my big things tend to revolve around travel). I'm trying to find meaning without going over the top right now.

So what do you think? Good, bad, silly, who cares?

In which I am annoyed

2009-10-17T08:44:00.002-05:00

I think I may be in danger of losing all the joy in life. Everything is annoying me lately. The biggest thing that's getting on my nerves? People who say "you" when they mean "I". I hear it everywhere, on all the of the shows on TV and just when people are talking in general. IT IS REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES. Either say "I" or shut the hell up.

See that? Did that sound like a joy-filled statement about life?

The Score

2009-10-14T11:25:00.006-05:00

Courtney: 1
Spider: ZERO

Message to all spiders: YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE ME.

*Let me just say this is the biggest effing spider I have ever seen in person (and not behind glass) in my ENTIRE LIFE. That's a game piece from Mickey D's, the ones that you peel off cups and whatever. Outside the Amazon, spiders are not meant to be that big.

Prayer of the Idiot Procrastinator

2009-10-13T08:39:00.005-05:00

Dear Gord, pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease do not let my procrastination be the thing that keeps me out of graduate school. I meant to send that transcript request in much sooner, I really did, but I was focused on finishing those da-- um, stinking essays. I promise to swear much less and to not feel a perverted sense of glee when stupid people do stupid things in front of me, I will even try to not think of them as stupid. I will start doing things well before they have a deadline. I will work hard at school and get a good degree and work hard in whatever job I can get. And I will try not to feel bad if the transcripts get there on time but I don't get in because my essays bomb. Also I will try to pay attention more in church when I am an usher and not think about other people's hair and clothes and their talking during sacred silence or not doing announcements on time or ringing the bells loud enough to wake the dead.

Amen.

Time Out

2009-10-07T11:05:00.003-05:00

Okay, this is it. One week. All I have to do is just finish the interview essay, refine the personal statement, and request my transcripts. The essay is staring me in the face and it WILL be done today. That's all there is to it.

I think if I pulled all my hair out it might grow back in white.

Friends Weekend

2009-09-25T08:38:00.003-05:00

I am not going to watch a marathon of Friends, which show I never really liked. Nope, this weekend I have things to do. First, tonight (if it doesn't rain) my mother, sister and I are going to the Pellissippi State Hot Air Balloon Festival. We get to pay to go up in a tethered balloon and see a cool balloon light show. Awesome (that's not sarcasm, I'm actually excited).

Then tomorrow I get to drive another two hours to go see three school pals: Laura, Ashley and Kim, AND Kim's baby whom I haven't ever seen despite his being almost a year old and living only four or five hours away.

Of course, then I have to drive three hours in my squealy car to get home again.

But it will be worth it.

Also, I ordered a new cell phone. I am being sucked into texting which is ridiculous. However, I ordered the wrong phone and had to have it cancelled, and now I have to wait until I can order the right one. Leave it to me, right?

On to the weekend!

#3--Be Informed

2009-09-22T12:56:00.004-05:00

You should probably listen to your own advice, there, ARC advertisers.

Click to make it bigger and spot the idiocy. Sorry it's blurry, have I mentioned I am a crap photographer?

Illness isn't all bad...

2009-09-21T13:30:00.004-05:00

My day so far:

Sitting here trying to write essays and not get distracted... (please ignore the stuff on the floor that has to be stored under the new bed, the horrible yellow/orange carpet and the blank wall which is going to be redecorated)

And this is what is tempting me to distraction: a pile o' books, my favoritist cookies, and potato wedges from Evilmart. There's also some Sobe lurking around here somewhere.

One of these staring me in the face, too:

That, my friends, is a Reese's King Size Peanut Butter Pumpkin with DOUBLE THE PEANUT BUTTER (according to the packaging)! I haven't eaten it yet, I'm savoring the smell. It will probably make me sick but RPBC's are my absolute favorite candy and I don't care how it treats me.

Still sick, though.

Sick and tired

2009-09-21T08:21:00.005-05:00

I am sick. It's only a cold, but it began Saturday night with that yucky tight feeling in my throat and yesterday I felt awful. Yucky throat, runny nose and sneezing. Today I feel about the same and it sucks.

So I've put in Baby Boom to watch in the background while I finish my essays for my grad application and the actual application, and I'm going to go find something to eat in a little while. And later I have to go into town. Yay.

Hey, anyone watch the Emmys? I saw most of the first two hours and then got tired and tried to go to bed (there was a cricket in my room last night!!! I hate crickets in the house). Neil Patrick Harris was pretty funny.

Ugh. Catch ya when I'm not ill.

In reference to...

2009-09-14T16:32:00.003-05:00

I'm fairly certain I have my three references! I am bouncing off the walls, here. As opposed to the other night, when I looked around my bedroom and was suddenly sad that all my things wouldn't be there anymore if I go to Illinois. Which is stupid, because we've moved...seven times in my lifetime? Not including going away to school.

Okay, going back to bouncing!

Interview

2009-09-11T18:09:00.002-05:00

I got my interview!!!! The hardest part is done and now I can get my grad application rolling. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Downer: Will I get enough funding?!

To be continued...

Autumn comes

2009-09-11T08:29:00.003-05:00

It's cold and damp and gray outside, yucky weather all around. I would rather stay home and snuggle under the blankets with a book, but I have things to do.

1.) Ambush the library director for the required interview for my grad school application
2.) Vacuum the church office (I'm filling in for the custodian again and I was too busy moving tables and chairs yesterday)
3.) Find a birthday present for my nephew
4.) Re-bandage my pinkie, which I sliced while shaving yesterday and am having trouble typing with. This should be number 1, I think...

Grad school is so close I can taste it. So is autumn. Although here in Tennessee it generally happens that summer is going strong, eighty-degree weather, then we get maybe a week of cool temps, and then -BLAMMO!- It's winter.

Wait, did I just see snowflakes?!

Reading

2009-09-09T10:56:00.003-05:00

Just finished reading Robin McKinley's Beauty, which I enjoyed. I was a little wary of reading this book, because while I enjoyed Deerskin and, for the most part, The Door in the Hedge, I was disappointed and not a little confused by The Hero and the Crown. But I am happy to report that this was a good one.

Yesterday I picked up A Princess of Landover at the library, which is Terry Brooks' latest novel. Landover has never been my favorite world of his, and this book is the first set there in fourteen years. It's going slowly so far, with lots of rehashing and lots and lots of annoying teenage girl. I'll just have to see how it turns out.

Next up: Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater and At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon. Also trying to get my hands on Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World.

Interesting fact that illustrates my library's complex ineptitude: Despite not having The Hunger Games and apparently with no plans to purchase it, the newly released sequel Catching Fire is now on the shelves. Nice.

Labor Day, or The Day I Did Almost Nothing

2009-09-07T19:11:00.007-05:00

I have such a sinus headache, folks. My jaw is killing me. Stupid weather, raining on and off all day. Yuck. Also the tip of my tongue hurts because I have a small chip in a front tooth that I keep rubbing. Poor me.

Didn't do anything this weekend. Except church, of course, where I was an usher, and did my usual wondering over what people were wearing.

Today my mother was off work and we alternately watched the DIY network and Ghost Hunters, and played computer games (on separate computers). That's it. I debated whether I should read something because I've slowed up a bit, but when I get my hands on a good rpg I have to play it almost obsessively until I get to the end or it shuts off (but if you get games on Arcade Town they usually don't turn off after the allotted hour unless you shut it down). I'm almost done with Aveyond: Gates of Night, which is I think third or fourth in the series, and this is only the second one that hasn't had a problem and crashed. I'm super psyched to finish it. Have I ever mentioned I'm a nerd?

I will mention in passing that I haven't written for a few days not because of this game, but because I was cleaning my room. I make myself sound like a hoarder or one of those people from How Clean is Your House? I'm not. It's just that I have lots of stuff and only one room to put it all in. Now I sound like the sad spinster that lives under the thumb of her imperious mother. Also not true. Well, not the part about my mother, anyway.

So I finally got my room in some semblance of order, and--this is big news, here, brace yourself--the day bed is gone. The horrible, gold, low-to-the-ground, creaky, uncomfortable day bed has seen its last day in this house. I should have taken a picture. But I didn't and now it's at the consignment shop so some other person can listen to it creak all night. Now I am sleeping in what was once my sister's bed, on a new twin mattress. I feel like a little kid. And I'm sad that my old bed is broken and couldn't be used. I'll take a picture tomorrow, when I find my camera. Which I had on Saturday. Grr.

That whole room thing wasn't really mentioned in passing, was it?

Watch Out

2009-09-07T13:16:00.003-05:00

If I have to read the not-even-real word "meh" one more effing time I just might kill someone.

Catching Fire Giveaway

2009-09-01T08:30:00.005-05:00

There's an absolutely awesome giveaway going on on several blogs right now. Click on over for a chance to win a copy of Catching Fire, the sequel to The Hunger Games (go here to learn more about the books), an exclusive t-shirt and a mockingjay pin.

Not too many people are going to win. So what are you waiting for? Go on over and sign up!

GreenBeanTeenQueen
Library Lounge Lizard
Presenting Lenore
Pop Culture Junkie
Booking Mama

Dream on

2009-08-29T07:38:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning around seven from a dream which was too complicated and now too vague to describe, except at the end where I was an undergrad in a class with a girl I hated from high school right on through college, and when I received my grade report I had around twelve classes with nothing above a C or a Pass. *breath* My dream self was very upset-because it would be really hard to get into a Master's program with bad grades-and proceeded to sob, head on table, while some weird guy who didn't care watched.

And the really sad thing about this dream (aside from the fact that I graduated 3 1/2 years ago)? When I woke up there were actually those rare things called tears on my face.

Another Friday

2009-08-28T20:14:00.005-05:00

Pizza + Sunshine Cleaners = queasy.

And it rained all day. But the pizza was good and so was the movie (just not together).

The day before Friday

2009-08-27T13:06:00.005-05:00

Today I feel not a little triumphant. I have been searching for months on ancestry.com, trying to find some of the McCann family. My grandmother was a McCann, but I couldn't find anything much past her grandparents. This past week or two, however, I have been victorious, finding not only my great-great-great-great grandparents, but (just today) my great-grandfather's sisters. I couldn't find any proof of siblings beyond one reference in an immigration record.

I am totally psyched by genealogy. I am such a nerd, I know. But these are my grandparents (on their wedding day in 1952):

Wouldn't you want to find out all about their families, too?

Of course, while I was at the library today, diligently searching, it started to pour and I realized the windows were down at home. Natch.

My reading is going slow this week, mostly because everything I have on my list is either sort of boring or already read. I need to find something great to read.

Anyway, go check out Ancestry.com and get yourself a little family history. You just might get addicted.

The time has come, the walrus said...

2009-08-24T14:11:00.005-05:00

To talk of many things. The blog has a new look. Also thingies where you can see what I'm reading, and lots and lots of links down the side, there.

I was going to post maybe Saturday, but my laptop power adapter went caput. The top of the cord got pulled out a little from the part that plugs into the computer, and it stopped working. So I poked at it and it sent up a little tendril of smoke, and when I poked at it again (I'm smart like that) it gave off a little spark. I jumped on Amazon.com and bought a new one.

Anyway. I intend to be much more active here, now that I feel better. I am still sadly unemployed, but I'm hoping to be in grad school in January. I have been reading like mad and that's going to be a much bigger part of my posts. I won't kill you with books, I promise. Right now I'm in the middle of another Jane Austen kick, having bought Catharine: And Other Writings and Jane Austen for Dummies, as well as the 1995 BBC Pride and Prejudice. Aside from some bad proofreading and overabundance of exclamation points in the second book, I am ridiculously pleased with all three.

My car is apparently determined to have any and every minor thing go wrong with itself. Aside from the vibrations, rattling, broken window handle, broken air conditioner, the missing plastic pieces from my seatbelt (just the cover, it still works fine), the flickery odometer and the blown fuse in the lighter, it is now making a horrible screechy, rattly chain sound. So I get to sweat in silence while everyone covers their ears at my passing.

I leave you with the fact that their seems to be a cricket stalking me around the house. He's going down.

Oooo, Shiny

2009-08-20T08:29:00.001-05:00

That's right, it's shiny new and I like it. I'll be writing again soon, too. Hold your breath, k?

Hell-O There

2009-08-18T15:35:00.002-05:00

Earlier I had posted about starting a new blog (and then deleted it). I lied, but only because I thought it would be easier to start all over again. But it's not. And I couldn't find as cool a name. Names are just too hard to get perfect more than once.

I'm getting good and inspired on redoing the blog, though, don't you fret. It'll be back and better and not ugly. And then maybe I'll get more than two people to read it.

Not Posting

2009-07-07T16:05:00.002-05:00

I haven't been posting and I'm not going to for a little while. I'm sort of in a trough right now (that's a reference to waves, not animal feed boxes). When I get things figured out somewhat I'll be back.

See ya around.

THEY'RE BACK

2009-06-24T13:41:00.001-05:00

The newest invasion has begun. We are at war, here, folks.

Oh, the usual

2009-06-06T18:54:00.003-05:00

Why is it that I can never find what I want even though I had it maybe a week ago when I didn't? I cannot for the life of me find my camera. I know it's around somewhere, but WHERE?!

I want my camera so that I can take a picture of the big gauze bandage on my foot, which is covering (or over-covering, as it is) the painful spot on foot that is currently missing a nice slice of skin. Not the wound itself, which isn't actually gross-looking or anything, but would not be something you'd want to see here, just the bandage.

On Thursday I was hanging up blinds in the spare room, since my mother finally gave in to the fact that our drill bits were not going to rematerialize from my sister's lair, and bought a new set. I took down my bamboo blinds and started to put them up in my room (in the process breaking off a bit in the window frame, which was totally not my fault at all!).

What does this have to do with my sliced-up foot, you ask? I was about to leave the room and go find a screwdriver, and I stepped on the bag with the Christmas tree parts in it. I thought I had just scratched my foot and it hurt like h-e-double-hockey-sticks, but I look down and discovered the slice and dice. It turns out that I had stepped on the curtain rod that was hiding under the bag, one of those metal ones that slide in and out and have turned up ends. And it was my fault, too, both for walking barefoot in what is essentially a minefield and for putting the stupid rods on the floor there in the first place (however, this did not stop me from continuing barefoot for the rest of the project. I am a slow learner, folks.).

I realize how stupid it sounds when I explain what happened. But I generally have some bruise or cut or broken item that is linked with a stupid story of how it happened. That's just my M.O.

Maybe I could just post a picture of my figure missing a big chunk, from that time at school when I rushed up a lovely, shallow cement staircase outside my building and took off the top of said finger and a chunk out of my toe? That might suffice.

But then, maybe not. The bandage would be better, I think.

And so it goes

2009-05-27T15:35:00.007-05:00

Well, I finished up my census work. I thought I'd go and do quality control, too, but my supervisor called me fifteen minutes before the training started--the location was about twenty minutes away and I wasn't dressed because, silly me, I thought I was going to have a day off. So no QC.

I went in today to file for unemployment, because the online info told me to go to the Career Center. I got to the CC and the woman there told me I had to call it in. Which could take forever, seeing as the minimum wait just for them to tell you to wait for the next available person is seven minutes. But I gotta do what I gotta do, n'est pas?

This weekend was pretty laid back. Saturday my mother and I went to the Hermitage, where we'd never been despite living in Tennessee nearly thirteen years. Of course, Meg told me she'd never been after being born and raised here, so I don't feel quite so amazed at myself.

What I found out about Andrew Jackson: he treated his slaves well but was not particularly nice to anybody else not white. The house was smaller than I was expecting, though interesting to see, and we took a wagon ride around the walking tour (I guess that would make it the wagoning trail). There were fourteen of us smushed onto black vinyl seats that faced inward. Not the most comfortable. Our tour guide was on his first full day on his own, so he repeated himself a lot, and the tour was mostly "this is where such-and-such building was located", and "imagine this land with crops instead of trees." It wasn't a bad trip, though, and my hair (accidentally) looked really nice, which was an amazing feat.

After we left the Hermitage we went to eat lunch and had a crazy waitress with the same name as my sister, who came to our table maybe three times total and then messed up our checks. Then we stopped at Hobby Lobby where I spent an obscene amount of money on jewelry making supplies. All the metal stuff was on sale, okay? I made my niece a necklace and earrings for her birthday. She's turning eight in three weeks. Is it normal for me to feel so old when I'm only twenty-five. Oh, lord, I'm an old maid.

Aside from laundry and thinking about cleaning my room without finding the drive to actually do it, that's been my week. I'm reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, which is about eating locally and how ridiculous eating has gotten in America. It made me want to eat asparagus last night. Which means it must be good, right?!

I've been reading some really good non-fiction lately, and I need to read more as a break from all the fantasy and sci-fi and all that fictional jazz. It's kind of refreshing. Although I tried to read this book about Great Britain that was published the year I was born and consisted mostly of depressing descriptions of graffiti, rain, and the eighties recession's effect on tourism. Drab.

You might have noticed, too, that the blog colors changed. I haven't been happy with the way it looks and I can't find anything yet that I like as a background. I'm working on it. Still toying with the idea of moving to Wordpress. Now that I have time to fiddle around with this thing.

Hey, spellcheck says smushed is not a word. Who made this thing?

**I just updated my name, and now folks, you know who I really am! Because Coco? Used as a dog's name way too much.

Say that again?!

2009-05-18T21:28:00.002-05:00

Wait, what? Things are marginally weird around here, what with my boss getting fired at the end of last week, despite the fact that we only had three or four days left in this particular phase; it's supposed to be forty degrees tonight (I am FREEZING. I DO NOT LIKE IT.); I have discovered the word toestring exists nad can be used as a proper noun; my car radio keeps fuzzing out on me at odd times like I'm going through a tunnel--I'm waiting for a play-by-play of my actions like in The Truman Show; and despite my efforts to the contrary, my face seems to be aging backwards and I will soon be able to pass myself off as a (somewhat busty) ten year old. I have noticed, too, that I have a funny little triangley spot on the side of my nose where there are no freckles--which, of course, qualifies as the weirdest thing of all. Maybe I should post a picture of my nose for you?

I am also feeling slightly bereft without any shows to hold my eyelids open for at night. I may as well go to bed at nine now and save myself the grumbling in the morning if there's nothing to force myself to stay awake for. Ha, I just realized that I may look about ten years younger but I act about forty years older...and that's twice in the same post I've had to fix my spelling of forty (it ain't right with a "u"). I am getting old.

The calm after the storm

2009-05-14T20:59:00.003-05:00

Things seemed to have evened out somewhat. My car is definitely not functioning correctly, but it's still running, and my paychecks are actually ending up in my bank account.

My internal clock has reset itself so that I can't seem to sleep any later than 5:30 am, so I'm pretty tired. During the season finale of Lost (only one season left!!!) I fought to stay awake, and then I dozed off right near the end and drooled on a throw pillow. I missed a minute or two, but I caught the end, and I can watch online if I am so inclined. Also caught The Biggest Loser finale, which was a little disappointing, and really looooong.

On a more interesting note, I was chased into my car on Tuesday by a really big bird which may or may not have been a turkey. I'm pretty sure it was. I got out of the car focused on the big black dog that was barking his head off at me, and I heard this weird gobbling-shrieking noise. And there was this monster bird, headed right for me. I am not ashamed to tell you I ran for the car, jumped in and rolled up the window as fast as I could. Fast little, bugger, let me tell you. His head was even with the window, so he stood outside and glared at me with his beady little eyes, shaking his feathers. I've never been face to beak with a turkey before. They're rather big, and pretty ugly. When I drove off he chased me, alongside the dog. I hope he tastes good come Thanksgiving.

Other than work and season finales, I haven't got much else going on. Might be going to the Festival of British & Appalachian Culture in Historic Rugby on Saturday. Which will be the first thing I've done outside of work and home (besides go to the movies) since forever. I also bought myself a movie off of Amazon.com, which was awesome, and also sucked because I'm pretty sure when the time comes that once again I have ZERO money, I will be thinking, "gosh, I really shouldn't have bought that DVD." But it comes with a free book. I couldn't resist.

(pic courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

The Amazing Adventures of a Sad, Sad College Graduate, Volume 1

2009-05-10T17:06:00.009-05:00

Well, here I am.

I've been avoiding this a bit because writing about the horribleness of my life over the past few weeks means I have to relieve it to an extent. Why would I want to do that? But I promised to regale you and regale you I shall.

NOTE:

Regale
Pronunciation:
\ri-ˈgāl\
Function:
verb
Inflected Form(s):
re·galed; re·gal·ing
transitive verb 1 : to entertain sumptuously : feast with delicacies 2 : to give pleasure or amusement to intransitive verb (courtesy http://www.merriam-webster.com/)

While I do not find these things funny, other people may (and have) found some pleasure it hearing about them. But I should warn you--this is a loooooong post. Your eyeballs may want to fall out before you get to the end, so feel free to rest them at any time and come back later to finish.

Okay. So it all started the week before my mother left for Japan. I had put my student loans on forbearance (again) and thought everything would be fine in that department for at least six months. unfortunately for me, the loan company people seem to be challenged in a little thing called thinking. I have two loan payments, and whoever did the forbearance didn't check that fact, so he/she didn't put the right date in and a payment came out of my account, so that it got overdrawn. And not just once, folks--FOUR TIMES. Although the first time was waived because I've never overdrawn before. After lots of crying and raging I called the loan co. and the customer service chick told me I could go to the bank and have the payment cancelled, which I did.

This caused more problems. The bank would not give me any money back for the overdraft fees, and told me that I shouldn't have cancelled the payment, as I was basically saying it was a fraudulent charge. Skipping all the rest of the cruddy stuff, my mother and I called the 800 number for the bank, told them the charge was an error, and about five minutes later they refunded the overdraft fees.

The day after this fiasco, I had an interview at the evil chain grocery store. I had to chew a piece of cotton for three minutes (tasted disgusting) while listening to the manager guy rattle on about how I had picked the wrong college degree if I didn't want to take my work home with me. Because, like 99% of the population, MG was under the impression that English degree=teacher. After this really short and stupid interview, I was sent off with the assurance that it would be Monday or Tuesday that I would hear anything.

I got a call from same MG on Saturday, and made an appointment to go in again on Tuesday (but he didn't tell me why at this point). Monday night my mother and I stayed the night in Nashville and got up at the ungodly hour of three, to arrive at the airport the suggested two hours ahead of her sic o'clock flight. Then I drove home, dozed off and on for about four hours, and then dragged myself around until it was time to go to ECGS. I was exhausted, so when he said he knew we'd already talked but I needed to take a drug test, I was a little confused. I told him I'd already done one, he searched for and found my form, and told me--these are his words--"Well, then this was a wasted trip. Sorry."

If I hadn't been so tired I might have strangled him. I had another promise of hearing from MG on Monday or Tuesday.

Wednesday my sister called and asked if she'd received a specific something in the mail, and then did her irritating thing where she tries to guilt trip me and I give in, not because of guilt but simply in annoyance because she will try to throw it back at me in the future if I don't do what she wants. So I drove to Knoxville to deliver her mail (as far as I know she still hasn't changed her address). As soon as I got on the highway I realized something was wrong with me car, and the whole hour's drive I was expecting it to fall apart, it was vibrating so hard. At least I got gas money and free dinner out of it.

So now I had a broken car and no way to fix it, no idea if I was going to have a long-term job or just the census thing for a few weeks, and no one to talk to. I sat down on the floor and cried.

My mother called not too long after that (fun fact: she was hiding in the closet with the phone because it was about quarter after five in the morning there). She told me to use her car until I could get mine fixed. Which is fine and dandy, but my training ended up being 34 miles away. Which means that for four days I had to drive 68 miles round trip, plus driving to my first assignments.

There followed three days of sitting on a hard, back-tilted wooden bench in a cold courtroom, learning, at the slowest pace ever, how to be a census enumerator. During this time, the temperature dropped below freezing and we actually got a few inches of snow, which I had to drive in. Also, I only had lunch on one of those days. So I was cold, bored, uncomfortable, and starving. I had to fix my loan account again, too, because instead of fixing it the idiot loan people tried to tell me I was overdue in my payment. Which I wasn't supposed to be making anyway.

So. The job. Let me just say that the Census Bureau made the job sound much less horrible than it is. Basically, what I do is find my assignment area, figure out how to do each section in the shortest way, and go to each living quarters I can find. The block has to be to my right, and I have to knock on lots of doors and meet lots and lots of dogs just to confirm or add an address and put little dots on my GPS map. Also I get to delete and add roads, which is more complicated than it sounds.

This job is in no way fun. I started out with one supervisor for training, was switched to another for a whole day, and then switched again. I have tramped through mud and insane amounts of rain. I have jumped gates and fences, and the other day I almost had my foot chewed off by a crazy Jack Russell terrier (fortunately I was saved by a much bigger collie and made it back to my car shaking but unharmed). I have met weirdos and quite a lot of people who can't understand why I get paid so much just to check addresses when the phone book is readily available. I have gotten lost, I have gone in circles, I have gone down roads that should never be said to exist on any map (the other day was memorable and will not be recounted--suffice to say I will never venture down a road that looks nothing like a road just because it is on my GPS map, unless I am on foot and have a really good reason). I have become seriously dehydrated, and sunburned to boot. I talked to people I know, people I don't want to know, and people who seem to want to tell me their life stories. I have bumps and bruises everywhere, as well as a few scratches (that last one on both me and my car) and my knee ached for about two weeks, for reasons unbeknownst to me.

The kicker, folks, is that despite my slaving away at this job, I wasn't getting paid. My first scheduled payday was for two weeks after training. I was assured that the money would be direct deposited into my account. But when I checked the next day, I was once again overdrafted. My car insurance came out, I got gas, and my car was already in the shop (although it turned out it couldn't be fixed there anyway). I borrowed emergency funds from my mother--and when I went to get the money at the ATM, the network was down and it wouldn't give it to me.

More drama. I had to call and figure out why I had no money. The reason? One digit in my bank account number was wrongly entered into the computer. So I had to overnight a form to the payroll people, and was again assured that I would be paid on the next payday. But I wasn't. So I had to call again, and it took a couple more days, swearing and crying so hard I was shaking for about three hours afterward, and my mother talking to some supervisor (because I was crying to hard to make sense) before I got a definite answer. Assured of payment in 48 hours, which was supposed to be Saturday. Which again did not happen. Not joking.

Happily, when Monday rolled around I did get my money, and then that Wednesday I got both my missing second payment and my third. My car needed a new tire, and I needed stuff like toothpaste and deodorant. Of course, now that I've messed up my car somewhat in that little road-that-is-not-a-road incident, I might end up with no money again. My plan of going to Scotland for grad school in September might fall through, too, as I have not heard from ANY of my references.

I have cried quite a lot in the past several weeks. I have also discovered that I may not be very smart. It sucks.

There have been other things happening, like the engine in my sister's car blowing up on her, and the idiots at the phone company messing things up at our house, as well as trouble with the creepy neighbor. Also at three nights of little sleep because of bad weather bearing down on me, and if you know me at all you know I tend to panic during thunderstorms. Which is great when I'm completely alone in the house.

But despair not for me, friends. Be cheered by the fact that things may be looking up. Or if not, at least my job is only going to last a few more weeks and then I can find something else. Maybe it's time for the rainbow?

Well, maybe not just yet.

Now that I'm back to having money, I'm also back to books and movies. I've read some really good ones (Inkheart; The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society), and seen some good ones on the big screen (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past; Star Trek).

So tell me: Do you, like Laura, find my life to be awesomely funny book material? Should I be laughing at the thought that I could very well be rolling in the dough after I write my life story and sell it to a publisher for millions?

Because I haven't quite found that perspective yet. I'll let you know if I stumble onto it anytime soon. Oh, and how are the eyeballs? Still functioning?

When life gives ME lemons...

2009-05-03T20:09:00.004-05:00

...lemon juice squirts into my eye, then I writhe in agony on the floor, get up and run into the wall, finally get to the sink to rinse out my eye, buy an eye patch because somehow a seed lodged in my eye and caused permanent damage, and walk around with a leg brace and a cane for the rest of my life as a result of running into the wall. No lemonade for me, no siree.

I finally got around to calling La, since she's been calling me for about a month now. She was sick again, and I think she may have no immune system anymore. Anyway, I went through all the items that prove that I am cursed, yes, CURSED, and also being kicked while down. I told her that if I wasn't positive that I would go straight to hell, I would recently have made close friends with a bottle of whiskey and a straight razor. According to her, my life (although not funny to live) would make a great, funny book. And it is a laugh riot, folks. It is. Ha ha ha.

I think maybe I should have waited a little longer on that callback...

**P.S. I will try to tell you all about my adventures (misadventures? Cosmic jokes?) soon, which I know I sorta said before, but it's hard to write about the shite going on in my life while I'm busy living it.

A month later...

2009-05-02T09:16:00.002-05:00

I didn't mean to lie, I really didn't. but my job has been killing me, I haven't been paid, I've been driving my mother's car because mine's broken, and it's all just been a big mess. Sue me. At this rate I may be posting about once a month...

Just so you know

2009-04-09T11:03:00.002-05:00

I am still around, I haven't had a lot of time lately. I've started my census job, it's kinda strange but I get paid $11.75.hour and $0.55/mile. Not bad a'tall. I haven't heard from the grocery store on the cashier job, and that was supposed to happen last week, then early this week. Still nothing, and boy am I glad I didn't cancel the census training.

Of course, with the census job there's a lot of driving, to places not in my county, and I'm driving my mother's car right now while she' off in Japan. I didn't tell you yet: my car is broken. That's just one of the lovely things that's been happening to me lately.

I wish my first payday was sooner than the 22nd but I can't do anything about it. It'll be a big one, though.

Gotta go, census duty calls. I promise to update more often soon.

Worst Week

2009-03-26T12:45:00.002-05:00

This has not been the best week for me. While I had an interview this morning ("you need to sell yourself better"), I have had trouble with my school loans and bank account. Not pretty. On top of that, if I get the lovely part-time cashier job I might not be able to take the census job. Which would suck because that's around two thousand dollars I'd be not earning.

When, oh when does it get easier?!

And don't tell me that it doesn't.

Vimps are not German wimps

2009-03-23T12:20:00.002-05:00

Well, our diocese now has a bishop! Thursday was sooooo long, and I wasn't actually fully recovered when we went into K-ville on Saturday, so I am still a little sore now. Lots of standing, and something in wrong with my foot, but I'm not sure what.

Here's the short version:

Got up early on Thursday, dressed, grabbed pre-made lunch, went to the church office (my mother is the secretary), got a few things done, listened to the nagging and rude receptionist with her grating voice. Finally boarded the bus and grabbed the last two seats together, right behind two of the four priests. Wished the microphone would be taken away from the self-appointed spokeswoman. Prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, only we sang it instead of just saying it. Ate lunch early. Fought the urge to snatch cookies from people as they were passed around the bus.

Arrived at the convention center, rushed to get seats, got mad at my mother when she wanted to sit much to far back just so we'd be right on the end. Convinced her that two seats in and two rows back from the reserved front section was a much better idea. Sat for a couple of hours and talked to the woman next to me as my mother disappeared for long stretches and then sat for a few minutes before disappearing again. Learned about the bishop's and diocese's coats of arms. Speculated on what vimps were until some guy came over and said he asked the roomful of about 300 priests and only one had an answer (vimps carry the bishop's miter and crozier, in layman's terms the hat and staff).

Ceremony finally began. Weird to be in a room of hundreds of Catholics, we sounded a bit like a cult or something when we did the responses. The booklet/program wasn't followed exactly, which was irritating. Three hours later we had a bishop, went to the reception to eat some finger foods and drink lemonade, and then we reboarded the bus, where Father John was essentially forced to sing "Danny Boy". I did get to see one of our former priests, who performed my confirmation back in high school, and my mother talked to everyone she possibly could.

I'd go through the whole ceremony mass but three hours was enough to attend, never mind read about. If you so desire, you can go here to watch it, look at the program and/or read the special edition newspaper the diocese put out for it. It was nice. Long, but nice. My neck hurt so badly the next day I wanted to cry, and the Tylenol I took didn't do squat for it.

Ugh, I have to go eat lunch, I'm starving. Just thought I'd give you the lowdown from Thursday. Catch ya later, internets.

Coco to Earth, do you read me?

2009-03-16T11:48:00.002-05:00

Well hello there. Remember me?

Yes, I'm still alive.

So I haven't been posting lately, but then, nothing has really happened. Been reading lots of books, watching some movies, searching for jobs. Won't hear anything for awhile on the job job, but my census job starts soon. This week is the new bishop's ordination and installation, and then week after next my mother leaves for Okinawa. I'll be all alone for three entire weeks.

But you knew all that, didn't you? I'll have to get back to you when I have something to write about.

Oh, I did watch this (unintentionally) hilarious movie with Sarah Jessica Parker, made way back the year I was born. The library has the weirdest movies.